Let’s get something straight right off the bat:
Magic is not for children.
Yes, I said it.
I know what you’re thinking — “But kids love magic!” Sure. They also love glitter, chaos, and screaming for no reason. That doesn’t mean they deserve it.
Exhibit A: The Heckler in the Paw Patrol Shirt
Performing for kids is like stepping into a war zone with zero backup.
You’ll spend hours mastering sleight of hand, misdirection, timing — and then a six-year-old named Brayden will immediately yell,
“IT’S IN YOUR OTHER HAND!”
You can’t win.
Adults politely pretend to be fooled. Children? Children are brutally honest little detectives hopped up on sugar and chaos. They’ll expose your secret, your method, and your self-esteem — all before snack time.
Exhibit B: The Attention Span of a Fruit Fly
Magic requires focus. A little patience. A touch of wonder.
Children have none of these things.
You’re halfway through a card trick, and suddenly one of them is chasing a balloon, another is licking a chair, and a third is asking if you can turn their brother into a frog.
You can’t. You wish you could.
Exhibit C: The “Helpful” Parents
Then there are the parents — standing in the back, arms crossed, silently judging you like you’re auditioning for custody of their respect.
“Oh, he’s doing the old coin vanish,” they whisper.
Yes, Susan. I am. Because it works.
Meanwhile, their kid is eating the coin I just made disappear.
Exhibit D: The Aftermath
After every kids’ show, there’s always one tiny human who asks,
“Can you show me how you did that?”
No, kid. I cannot.
Not because it’s a sacred magician’s secret, but because you’ll immediately tell everyone else how I did it. Then they’ll stop believing in magic, and it’ll all be your fault.
The Truth
Magic for children sounds cute — in theory. In reality, it’s emotional cardio. It’s chaos wrapped in a birthday hat.
Magic isn’t for children. It’s for adults who need a break from pretending to understand life.
It’s for people who want to feel that split second of disbelief — that little jolt of “Wait… what just happened?” before the world gets serious again.
So next time someone says, “Oh, you’re a magician? My kid would love that!”
Smile politely, take a deep breath, and say:
“Actually, it’s for adults who pay attention and don’t throw cake.”
✨ Alexander the OK — bringing moderately impressive magic to well-behaved grownups everywhere. ✨
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