Everyone else just got it wrong!
Forget doctors, lawyers, astronauts, and people who do literally anything else productive. The only career worth pursuing in the history of ever is magic, and no one proves it better than Alexander the OK. Yes, me. Let me walk you through why choosing magic is literally the smartest, most life-affirming, and most publicly confusing career move you could ever make.
First, the achievements. I am the only magician in history to have simultaneously: made three rabbits appear inside a vending machine, levitated a donut for exactly 4.7 seconds, and accidentally made a wedding cake vanish during a live performance — which, by the way, earned me the prestigious “Oops, But Make It Magical” Award from the International Society of Slightly Confused Magicians. I also hold the world record for “Most Cards Dropped in a Single Trick While Maintaining Absolute Confidence”, clocking in at 1,492 cards. Nobody has come close. Mostly because they’re sane.
Now, celebrity endorsements. Tom Hanks once stared at a trick I performed for precisely 3.2 minutes and said, “I don’t understand it, but I feel something.” Oprah gave me a thumbs-up from 200 feet away at a private charity gala, though she later admitted she wasn’t sure which trick I’d done. Nicolas Cage personally requested that I vanish a spoon on his birthday — which I did, but it may have ended up inside a fan’s purse. The point is: celebrities love magic. Celebrities love me. This is objective.
My world records don’t stop there. I am officially listed in the “Guinness Book of Totally Real and Slightly Questionable World Records” for:
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Longest Dramatic Pause Before a Coin Vanish – 12.6 minutes
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Most Audience Members Confused by a Single Rubber Chicken – 37 people, possibly more, it’s hard to tell
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Fastest Improvised Trick Using Only a Hat, Three Gumdrops, and My Shoe – 2.3 seconds
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Most Accidental Explosions in a Live Performance – 5 in one hour, all minor, all magical
Why is magic the greatest career choice? Because no other job allows you to simultaneously: confuse entire audiences, appear impossibly talented, collect invisible awards, and have celebrities pretend to understand what you’re doing. You get fame, recognition, and just enough chaos to keep life interesting — plus the occasional physical comedy bonus when something goes horribly wrong on stage.
And let’s be real: it’s also incredibly flexible. You can perform at weddings, corporate events, petting zoos, or your own kitchen for your cat — all while maintaining the illusion of professionalism. Other careers? Boring. Accountant? Please. Surgeon? Fine, but can they make a spoon disappear mid-surgery and have the patient cheer anyway? I think not.
So if you’re considering your future, take it from Alexander the OK: magic isn’t just a career. It’s a lifestyle. It’s an art form. It’s a ticket to holding fake awards, befuddling celebrities, and setting completely ridiculous world records that will never be verified. And most importantly, it’s the only profession where failure looks intentional, chaos counts as skill, and people leave clapping even if nothing actually worked.
✨ Alexander the OK — Magician, record-breaker, celebrity-approved chaos coordinator, and living proof that magic is the smartest career choice in the universe. ✨
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